Youre Doing It Again Too Wordy

What this handout is about

This handout can help you revise your papers for word-level clarity, eliminate wordiness and avoid clichés, observe the words that all-time express your ideas, and choose words that suit an academic audience.

Introduction

Writing is a series of choices. Equally you work on a paper, you cull your topic, your approach, your sources, and your thesis; when information technology's time to write, you have to choose the words you will use to express your ideas and decide how y'all volition adapt those words into sentences and paragraphs. As you revise your draft, you make more choices. You might ask yourself, "Is this really what I mean?" or "Will readers sympathise this?" or "Does this sound adept?" Finding words that capture your meaning and convey that meaning to your readers is challenging. When your instructors write things like "awkward," "vague," or "wordy" on your draft, they are letting you know that they want you to work on word choice. This handout volition explain some common issues related to word selection and give you strategies for choosing the best words as you revise your drafts.

Every bit yous read further into the handout, keep in listen that information technology tin can sometimes accept more fourth dimension to "relieve" words from your original sentence than to write a make new sentence to convey the same meaning or thought. Don't be likewise attached to what y'all've already written; if y'all are willing to kickoff a judgement fresh, you may be able to cull words with greater clarity.

For tips on making more substantial revisions, take a look at our handouts on reorganizing drafts and revising drafts.

"Awkward," "vague," and "unclear" give-and-take choice

Then: you write a newspaper that makes perfect sense to you, only information technology comes back with "awkward" scribbled throughout the margins. Why, yous wonder, are instructors and then fond of terms similar "awkward"? Most instructors employ terms like this to draw your attending to sentences they had problem agreement and to encourage you to rewrite those sentences more clearly.

Difficulties with word choice aren't the only cause of awkwardness, vagueness, or other issues with clarity. Sometimes a judgement is hard to follow because there is a grammatical trouble with it or because of the syntax (the mode the words and phrases are put together). Here'south an example: "Having finished with studying, the pizza was speedily eaten." This sentence isn't hard to sympathize considering of the words I chose—everybody knows what studying, pizza, and eating are. The trouble here is that readers will naturally assume that first fleck of the sentence "(Having finished with studying") goes with the side by side substantive that follows information technology—which, in this example, is "the pizza"! It doesn't make a lot of sense to imply that the pizza was studying. What I was actually trying to express was something more like this: "Having finished with studying, the students quickly ate the pizza." If you accept a sentence that has been marked "awkward," "vague," or "unclear," try to recall well-nigh it from a reader'southward betoken of view—come across if you can tell where information technology changes management or leaves out important information.

Sometimes, though, problems with clarity are a thing of word choice. See if you recognize any of these bug:

• Misused words—the word doesn't actually mean what the author thinks it does.
  Example: Cree Indians were a monotonous civilisation until French and British settlers arrived.
  Revision: Cree Indians were a homogenous culture.
• Words with unwanted connotations or meanings.
  Case: I sprayed the ants in their private places.
  Revision: I sprayed the ants in their hiding places.
• Using a pronoun when readers can't tell whom/what information technology refers to.
  Case: My cousin Jake hugged my blood brother Trey, fifty-fifty though he didn't like him very much.
  Revision: My cousin Jake hugged my brother Trey, fifty-fifty though Jake doesn't similar Trey very much.
• Jargon or technical terms that make readers work unnecessarily hard. Maybe you need to use some of these words because they are important terms in your field, but don't throw them in merely to "sound smart."
  Example: The dialectical interface between neo-Platonists and anti-disestablishment Catholics offers an algorithm for deontological thought.
  Revision: The dialogue between neo-Platonists and certain Catholic thinkers is a model for deontological thought.
• Loaded language. Sometimes we as writers know what we mean by a sure word, but nosotros haven't e'er spelled that out for readers. We rely also heavily on that word, perhaps repeating it often, without clarifying what nosotros are talking well-nigh.
  Case: Social club teaches young girls that beauty is their about important quality. In order to prevent eating disorders and other health problems, nosotros must change society.
  Revision: Contemporary American popular media, like magazines and movies, teach young girls that dazzler is their virtually of import quality. In society to prevent eating disorders and other health issues, we must change the images and role models girls are offered.

Wordiness

Sometimes the problem isn't choosing exactly the right word to express an idea—information technology'due south being "wordy," or using words that your reader may regard every bit "extra" or inefficient. Take a await at the following listing for some examples. On the left are some phrases that use three, four, or more words where fewer will do; on the right are some shorter substitutes:

I came to the realization that	I realized that
She is of the opinion that	She thinks that
Concerning the matter of	About
During the course of	During
In the event that	If
In the process of	During, while
Regardless of the fact that	Although
Due to the fact that	Because
In all cases	Always
At that bespeak in time	And so
Prior to	Before

Keep an eye out for wordy constructions in your writing and run across if you can replace them with more than concise words or phrases.

Clichés

In academic writing, it'due south a good idea to limit your use of clichés. Clichés are catchy piffling phrases so often used that they have become trite, corny, or annoying. They are problematic because their overuse has diminished their touch and because they crave several words where just one would practise.

The master fashion to avoid clichés is offset to recognize them and then to create shorter, fresher equivalents. Ask yourself if in that location is 1 discussion that means the same thing as the platitude. If there isn't, can you lot use two or three words to state the idea your ain fashion? Below you volition see five common clichés, with some alternatives to their right. As a challenge, see how many alternatives you lot can create for the final ii examples.

Agree to disagree	Disagree
Expressionless as a doornail	Expressionless
Last but non least	Concluding
Pushing the envelope	Budgeted the limit
Up in the air	Unknown/undecided

Try these yourself:

Play it by ear	_____?_____
Let the cat out of the bag	_____?_____

Writing for an academic audience

When you choose words to limited your ideas, you have to think not only nearly what makes sense and sounds best to you lot, just what will make sense and audio all-time to your readers. Thinking nearly your audience and their expectations volition help yous make decisions about discussion choice.

Some writers think that academic audiences expect them to "audio smart" by using large or technical words. But the most important goal of bookish writing is non to sound smart—information technology is to communicate an argument or information clearly and convincingly. It is true that academic writing has a sure style of its own and that you, as a student, are showtime to learn to read and write in that style. You may observe yourself using words and grammatical constructions that yous didn't utilise in your loftier schoolhouse writing. The danger is that if you consciously set out to "audio smart" and apply words or structures that are very unfamiliar to you lot, you may produce sentences that your readers can't sympathize.

When writing for your professors, think simplicity. Using simple words does not bespeak simple thoughts. In an academic argument paper, what makes the thesis and argument sophisticated are the connections presented in elementary, clear language.

Go on in mind, though, that simple and clear doesn't necessarily mean casual. Nearly instructors will non be pleased if your paper looks like an instant message or an email to a friend. It's usually all-time to avoid slang and colloquialisms. Take a look at this instance and enquire yourself how a professor would probably reply to it if it were the thesis statement of a paper: "Moulin Rouge really bit because the singing sucked and the costume colors were nasty, KWIM?"

Selecting and using central terms

When writing academic papers, it is often helpful to observe key terms and utilize them within your paper equally well as in your thesis. This department comments on the crucial difference between repetition and back-up of terms and works through an instance of using cardinal terms in a thesis argument.

Repetition vs. redundancy

These 2 phenomena are not necessarily the same. Repetition tin can be a expert matter. Sometimes nosotros have to use our cardinal terms several times within a paper, particularly in topic sentences. Sometimes in that location is merely no substitute for the primal terms, and selecting a weaker term as a synonym can do more damage than practiced. Repeating key terms emphasizes important points and signals to the reader that the argument is still beingness supported. This kind of repetition tin give your paper cohesion and is done by witting choice.

In contrast, if y'all find yourself frustrated, tiredly repeating the same nouns, verbs, or adjectives, or making the same betoken over and over, you are probably being redundant. In this case, you lot are swimming aimlessly around the same points because y'all take not decided what your argument really is or because you are truly fatigued and clarity escapes you. Refer to the "Strategies" section below for ideas on revising for redundancy.

Edifice clear thesis statements

Writing clear sentences is important throughout your writing. For the purposes of this handout, let'south focus on the thesis statement—ane of the most of import sentences in academic argument papers. You lot can apply these ideas to other sentences in your papers.

A common trouble with writing good thesis statements is finding the words that best capture both the important elements and the significance of the essay's argument. It is non always easy to condense several paragraphs or several pages into curtailed key terms that, when combined in one sentence, tin can finer depict the argument.

However, taking the time to find the right words offers writers a significant edge. Concise and appropriate terms will assistance both the writer and the reader keep runway of what the essay will show and how it will show it. Graders, in particular, similar to see clearly stated thesis statements. (For more than on thesis statements in general, please refer to our handout.)

Example: You've been assigned to write an essay that contrasts the river and shore scenes in Mark Twain'southward Huckleberry Finn. You work on it for several days, producing 3 versions of your thesis:

Version 1: In that location are many of import river and shore scenes in Blueberry Finn.

Version 2: The contrasting river and shore scenes in Huckleberry Finn suggest a return to nature.

Version 3: Through its contrasting river and shore scenes, Twain's Huckleberry Finn suggests that to find the true expression of American democratic ideals, i must leave "civilized" guild and go back to nature.

Allow's consider the discussion choice issues in these statements. In Version 1, the word "important"—like "interesting"—is both overused and vague; it suggests that the author has an opinion but gives very little indication about the framework of that opinion. Equally a result, your reader knows only that you're going to talk about river and shore scenes, but not what you're going to say. Version 2 is an improvement: the words "return to nature" give your reader a better idea where the paper is headed. On the other paw, she however does not know how this return to nature is crucial to your understanding of the novel.

Finally, you come up upwardly with Version three, which is a stronger thesis because it offers a sophisticated argument and the key terms used to make this argument are clear. At least three central terms or concepts are axiomatic: the contrast betwixt river and shore scenes, a return to nature, and American democratic ideals.

Past itself, a key term is merely a topic—an element of the argument but not the statement itself. The argument, then, becomes articulate to the reader through the style in which you combine key terms.

Strategies for successful word option

1. Be careful when using words you are unfamiliar with. Look at how they are used in context and bank check their dictionary definitions.
2. Be careful when using the thesaurus. Each discussion listed equally a synonym for the give-and-take y'all're looking up may have its own unique connotations or shades of meaning. Use a dictionary to be sure the synonym you are because really fits what you are trying to say.
3. Don't effort to print your reader or sound disproportionately administrative. For example, which sentence is clearer to yous: "a" or "b"?
   1. Under the present atmospheric condition of our guild, marriage practices by and large demonstrate a loftier degree of homogeneity.
   2. In our culture, people tend to marry others who are like themselves. (Longman, p. 452)
4. Before you revise for accurate and stiff adjectives, make sure yous are first using accurate and potent nouns and verbs. For example, if y'all were revising the sentence "This is a good book that tells virtually the Revolutionary War," think virtually whether "book" and "tells" are equally stiff as they could exist earlier you worry about "practiced." (A stronger sentence might read "The novel describes the experiences of a soldier during the Revolutionary War." "Novel" tells the states what kind of book it is, and "describes" tells the states more than about how the book communicates information.)
5. Try the slash/choice technique, which is like brainstorming as you lot write. When you get stuck, write out 2 or more than choices for a questionable give-and-take or a confusing sentence, e.yard., "questionable/inaccurate/vague/inappropriate." Option the word that best indicates your meaning or combine different terms to say what you mean.
6. Look for repetition. When you detect it, decide if it is "good" repetition (using cardinal terms that are crucial and helpful to meaning) or "bad" repetition (redundancy or laziness in reusing words).
7. Write your thesis in five unlike ways. Brand five dissimilar versions of your thesis sentence. Compose v sentences that express your statement. Try to come up with four alternatives to the thesis sentence you've already written. Find five possible means to communicate your statement in one sentence to your reader. (Nosotros've just used this technique—which of the last five sentences do you prefer?)Whenever we write a sentence we make choices. Some are less obvious than others, so that it can often feel like we've written the sentence the only mode we know how. By writing out v different versions of your thesis, you lot can begin to see your range of choices. The final version may be a combination of phrasings and words from all five versions, or the 1 version that says it all-time. By literally spelling out some possibilities for yourself, you will exist able to make better decisions.
8. Read your newspaper out loud and at… a… slow… footstep. Yous can practice this alone or with a friend, roommate, TA, etc. When read out loud, your written words should make sense to both you and other listeners. If a sentence seems confusing, rewrite information technology to brand the significant clear.
9. Instead of reading the paper itself, put it down and just talk through your statement as concisely as yous tin. If your listener quickly and easily comprehends your essay'due south main point and significance, you should so brand certain that your written words are as clear as your oral presentation was. If, on the other hand, your listener keeps request for clarification, you volition need to work on finding the correct terms for your essay. If you lot do this in exchange with a friend or classmate, rest assured that whether you are the talker or the listener, your articulation skills will develop.
10. Have someone not familiar with the issue read the paper and point out words or sentences he/she finds confusing. Do not brush off this reader's defoliation past assuming he or she simply doesn't know enough about the topic. Instead, rewrite the sentences so that your "outsider" reader tin can follow forth at all times.
11. Cheque out the Writing Center's handouts on style, passive voice, and proofreading for more tips.

Questions to ask yourself

• Am I sure what each give-and-take I utilize actually ways? Am I positive, or should I await information technology up?
• Take I establish the best give-and-take or only settled for the near obvious, or the easiest, one?
• Am I trying besides hard to print my reader?
• What'southward the easiest manner to write this sentence? (Sometimes information technology helps to answer this question by trying it out loud. How would y'all say it to someone?)
• What are the cardinal terms of my argument?
• Can I outline out my argument using only these primal terms? What others do I demand? Which do I not need?
• Take I created my ain terms, or have I just borrowed what looked like key ones from the assignment? If I've borrowed the terms, can I find better ones in my own vocabulary, the texts, my notes, the dictionary, or the thesaurus to make myself clearer?
• Are my key terms also specific? (Exercise they cover the entire range of my argument?) Can I recall of specific examples from my sources that fall nether the cardinal term?
• Are my key terms likewise vague? (Do they cover more than the range of my statement?)

Works consulted

We consulted these works while writing this handout. This is not a comprehensive list of resources on the handout's topic, and we encourage y'all to do your own inquiry to find additional publications. Please exercise not use this listing as a model for the format of your own reference list, equally it may not friction match the commendation style you are using. For guidance on formatting citations, please see the UNC Libraries commendation tutorial. We revise these tips periodically and welcome feedback.

Anson, Chris M., and Robert A. Schwegler. 2010. The Longman Handbook for Writers and Readers, 6th ed. New York: Longman.

Cook, Claire Kehrwald. 1985. Line by Line: How to Improve Your Own Writing. Boston: Houghton Mifflin.

Grossman, Ellie. 1997. The Grammatically Correct Handbook: A Lively and Unorthodox Review of Common English for the Linguistically Challenged. New York: Hyperion.

Houghton Mifflin. 1996. The American Heritage Volume of English Usage: A Practical and Authoritative Guide to Contemporary English language. Boston: Houghton Mifflin.

O'Conner, Patricia. 2010. Woe Is I: The Grammarphobe's Guide to Better English in Patently English, 3rd ed. New York: Penguin Publishing Group.

Tarshis, Barry. 1998. How to Be Your Own Best Editor: The Toolkit for Everyone Who Writes. New York: Three Rivers Press.

Williams, Joseph, and Joseph Bizup. 2017. Style: Lessons in Clarity and Grace, 12th ed. Boston: Pearson.

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You may reproduce it for non-commercial use if you apply the unabridged handout and attribute the source: The Writing Center, University of N Carolina at Chapel Hill

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